The Southern Belle Soapbox

Am I going to be entertained?

2011-01-16T12:44:00.000-08:00

This morning as I was getting out of my car at church, a question popped into my mind, "Am I, are we, going to church to be entertained, or because that's what we are supposed to do or used to doing, am I going to authentically worship and glorify God, with a grateful and humble heart?" As much as I would like to say the answer is b, if I'm really honest with myself I know that it is sometimes a... most of the time it's a.

What I'm about to say might be hard to hear. It's not meant to offend, only to make you think... really examine your heart. Understand that I'm calling myself out here and feel convicted and led to share this with whoever it is that reads this blog. See, I think in reality, most of us choose a. If you're really honest with yourself, you'll agree. To me worship is about having a pure heart (Matt. 5:8), being completely dedicated to God (Ex. 20:3), thanking him in everything... all the time (1 Thess. 5:18), being humble about everything... all the time (James 4:10), and obeying God... all the time (1 Sam. 15:22-23), among other things. I don't know about you, but I don't fill that order.

I love worship at our church... I mean I LOVE it. I look forward to Sundays more than any day of the week. The church that I attend has a mix of contemporary and traditional music, a young staff, and a pastor who unashamedly preaches the Gospel and who does not worry about stepping on your toes... as a matter of fact, sometimes I think it's his specialty. So is this why I go?

Last year I was reading a book that talked about, among other things, corporate worship. The author discussed how so many of us go for various reasons, and join different churches for various reasons. Do we like their music style, do we like the preacher, do they have a good Sunday school program, are there programs for my children to be involved in... in other words, are they going to entertain us? And some people might look at these things before consulting the main reason we go to church... God.

I'm totally guilty of this. Our previous pastor left our church, came back, and then left again. This is the same pastor that married us and dedicated our first baby. The second time he left, I was hurt.. burned really. Couple that with the fact that our Sunday school teacher had left, and we didn't feel "plugged in"... Justin and I were irritated and decided we'd start looking for other churches. The funny thing is, we never actually "visited" churches, we would say we were going to, but never did. We may have stayed home a couple of weeks watching other churches on tv to see what they had to offer... we wanted to be entertained.

Do you think Moses or Abraham were looking to be entertained when they worshipped the Almighty? Were Jesus' disciples looking to be entertained when they followed him? Did the wise men travel all that way so that a baby could entertain them? I seriously doubt it, and I find myself craving that kind of authentic worship that they experienced. The big question is, where do you find it? If you take out all of the stuff I mentioned a second ago, what's left? God.

I recently realized that to have authentic worship, you have to have a consistent, deep, authentic relationship with God. I had been told that many times in the past and have heard so many sermons on the topic... to many to count, but I'm just now getting it. They key to authentic worship is a personal relationship with Jesus, with God. It's not the praise songs we sing, it's saying and meaning the words you sing to Him, and focusing only on Him. It's having a personal quiet time with Him everyday, committing yourself to Him, and solely seeking Him. John 4:23-24 says "Yet a time is coming and has now come when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the spirit and in truth." We are to worship God in our spirits... not just outwardly for appearances. Authentic worship to me means giving God all the glory for everything, good and bad, in my life and giving Him the credit to use it for good, to further His kingdom, to glorify Him more. To me, authentic worship is laying everything in front of God, being honest with Him (he knows your heart anyway 1 Chron. 28:9). It's not going to church on Sundays and Wednesdays and saying, "show me something, Lord."

The sad thing is, I think most people (myself included) end up worshipping the way Isaiah talks about when he prophesied, "Then the Lord said, 'Because this people draw near to Me with their words and honor Me with their lip service, but they remove their hearts far from Me, and their reverence (worship) for Me consists of tradition learned by rote.'" (Isaiah 29:13) See, this whole being entertained and going to church because you are supposed to was not a new concept, even before Jesus was born. It's something humans have been dealing with for thousands of years, and I am not so arrogant to think that I, myself, don't suffer from this on a pretty regular basis.

I'm trying harder and harder to go to church to worship and worship on my own with a servant's heart, with an "attitude of gratitude", and truly focusing on Jesus. I want to serve Him, honor Him, praise Him with every fiber of my being. I want to hunger for His Word, and I pray that He will shape my heart to be like His, allow me to see people the way He sees them, make me mourn for those who are lost, be bold, and have a passion to share the Gospel. I want Him to make me uncomfortable.

And it's hard. I've got two kids, and getting them up and ready is a challenge in itself. More often than not, by the time I've got them dressed, I get dressed, and we get in the car, I'm at the end of my rope... definitely not the right attitude to have to worship the Creator of the Universe. And there have been days that I really didn't want to go to church, and I sat there looking at the minute hand on my watch. I was there because I had to be, or was supposed to be, not because I wanted to be. But you know what, that's on me, and that's something I have to repent for. I've learned that if I get up earlier and have the kids clothes picked out the night before it makes life a lot less hectic which gives me a better attitude about church, and I try to pray for Sunday mornings. I honestly feel that the devil uses Sunday morning to attack people... especially families with young children. No, really. It seems like Sundays can sometimes be a Murphy day.. you know, anything that can go wrong will. You add time constraints into that, and you've got yourself one to however many kids who have bad attitudes, two parents that are about to come undone due to the kids, and a husband and wife who are probably irritated with each other because of all the previous mentioned. Praying about it helps. Praying about worship helps. I pray for God to help me to have authentic worship, and you know, He's really the only one (besides me) that knows if it's really authentic or not.

Ultimately, God knows your heart. He knows if you're being authentic. He knows if your walk with Him is lukewarm ("So because you are lukewarm-neither hot nor cold- I am about to spit you out of my mouth." Rev. 3:16) As far as worship styles go, there's no clear cut answer in the Bible. In Hebrews, we are told to worship with reverence and awe (12:28), in Psalm we're told to do it with gladness and joyful songs (so it's ok to "rock out" if your heart has pure intentions :) )(100:2), Psalm also says to bow down and kneel in worship (95:6), and David danced before the Lord in his worship (1 Sam. 6:14).

So, back to the original question... do I go to church to be entertained? I have in the past for sure... I pray that I won't again. I know that God alone is worthy of all my praise and worship, and I need to focus on bringing my best to Him, even though it isn't good enough, and my best isn't one of a selfish heart looking to be entertained. I hope my heart will be for ever changed, forever glorifying God.

I wish...

2011-01-13T14:23:00.000-08:00

Being a mom (or dad) is so hard sometimes. My kids aren't even in school yet, and still it's so hard. You constantly wonder if you're doing the right thing, saying the right thing, teaching them the right thing... after all, you are responsible for the adult they eventually become.

A friend of mine sent me a link to a blog post that someone had put about how they didn't want their children to be happy... I promise it's not what you think. The blogger explained in detail how it was more important to be sure her children grew up holy rather than happy... meaning, it's more important for her kids to grow up knowing God and Jesus and living a life that pleases them than to grow up with everything they ever wanted and to be materially "happy". I couldn't agree more. The more and more I've thought about this, the more and more I feel like I need to blog about it... definitely not trying to be a copy cat, but just put down what I want, what I wish for my kids... my boys.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

That in a nut shell is what I wish for my boys... and I want it for them early in life. See, I waited too long to transform my mind... or to get serious about transforming my mind. I was entirely too focused on things that didn't matter... things that were going to make me "happy" when I should have been focused on things that make God happy... things that will make me holy. I want them to only focus on pleasing God, focus on His will for their life, and I want them to hear Him when He speaks to them. I want them to grow up to be Godly men who will lead, and who will take the narrow path. I want them to understand that there are so many more important things than "things." A lesson, their mother didn't learn until recently.

I was given an opportunity to interview for a job last week. I actually had passed initial interview and had been asked to interview with the hiring manager. From the get-go, I was uneasy about it. I even told Justin after the initial interview that I was very apprehensive, but I pressed forward. Why? Because of things. We are close to needing a newer car, bigger house, new clothes, things, things, things...

It astounds me how many times it takes me to learn a lesson... kind of like the Israelites. They complained and complained and God would show His faithfulness only for them to return to worshipping idols and complaining again, only for God to be faithful, AGAIN, and the wheel goes round and round. Right after I lost my job, I interviewed and was turned down for multiple jobs. One job in particular, I was the obvious choice... knew the customers, the product, the territory, everything, but I still didn't get that job. It was at that point that I just said, "Ok, God, I get it." But apparently I didn't, because I jumped on that opportunity last week only to learn again that right now, it's not God's will for me to be working. How do I know? Because after seeking council with several people... several Godly people... I kept hearing the same thing... "there are more important things than money."

Oh, how I wish for my boys to learn that early on in life. That being in God's will, that sharing the Gospel, winning people to Jesus, and showing them that Jesus can save them from eternal hell is so much more important than money, popularity, the "things" this world tells you will make you happy. That having a quiet time with Him every day and being fed from His holy Word every day is more important than anything else they may have to do and is worth sacrificing sleep or time with friends or what they want to do just to be able to try and hear that still small voice.

I want my boys to seek God in everything they do. I want them to consult Him before they make plans... not after and expect Him to bless it. ("Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed." Prov. 16:3) I want them to put Him first... above everything (Matt. 6:33). I want them to add people to God's kingdom. I want them to live a blameless life (Psalm 15), and be salt and light (Matt. 5:13-16). I want them to be unashamed of the Gospel and sharing it (Romans 1:16). I want them to be like Jesus. More than anything in this world, that's what I want... what I wish.

Miracles still happen

2011-01-05T20:06:00.001-08:00

My son has a significant speech delay... so significant, we had him tested to be sure nothing was wrong. Praise God nothing was wrong... except a speech delay. (He actually tested at a 5 1/2 year old's level cognitively and he's only 3... he's a genius! :) ) I'm aware that this delay has bothered me much more than it ever bothered him, but as a mother, you worry... a lot. What if the kids don't play with him because they don't understand him? What if adults (specifically parents of his friends) can't understand him and think there is something mentally wrong with him and label him for the rest of his life?

I, admittedly, am the worlds biggest worry wart. I try as hard as I can not to... I promise I do. I bathe things in prayer, and claim various Bible verses to get me through my numerous "worries". For some reason, people think Christians don't worry, and I've even had people tell me that I shouldn't worry because I'm a Christian. I wish that were true, but see, I come from a long line of fine, Christian ladies... all worry warts (some worse than others). And I am well aware of who it is that plants these irrational seeds of worry, but God will take care of him eventually (lake of fire, anyone?) The only thing that gives me comfort when I'm making myself sick with worry is prayer and claiming God's Word... His promises... in my prayers to Him.

Obviously, I have been praying like crazy for my son's speech to clear up. I've prayed for God to make his little mouth and tongue and teeth and muscles and voice box all work together and work properly to get the sound to come out. I've prayed for it just to be instantly fixed so that there would be no denying that God was the only way it could have happened, and He would have received the glory (and, yes, I know I shouldn't have been praying that specific thing... a friend pointed that out, and I thanked her for it). I've prayed on my knees and through tears to where I didn't even know what to pray anymore other than, "Just fix it, God... just fix it". And in His timing, He has been.

I'm sure you think this blog is going to be all about how it's been a miracle that my son's speech has gotten better. Well, it kind of is, and it definitely has, but this blog is more about the miracle of God's timing. See, my prayers have been answered and are in the process of being answered, but it's all in His timing.

For almost the last 2 months, my son's speech lessons have been cancelled due to random things... snow (which never happens where we live), field days, testing, the teacher spraining her ankle... just RANDOM things that we never could have planned for... or rescheduled his speech lessons for. Wouldn't you know during those 2 months, his speech has improved more than it had in the previous 9 months going to the speech lessons? Not to take anything away from the amazing, Godly woman that teaches him... she does an awesome job... but isn't that just like God? And isn't it funny how we think He should do it on our time table and in our way, but in reality, He's already got it all worked out... a miracle. He gets ALL the glory!

Another example would be of us trying to sell our house. We had tried for about 6 months and had a contingency contract on our "dream house". It's a beautiful 3,000 square foot farm house with a wrap around porch, on a 1 acre lot, gated driveway... gorgeous. I even had my bridesmaid's luncheon on the porch of this house. Perfect, right? Well that's exactly what we thought, so we put our house on the market. Had lots of people interested... a few that were even getting ready to draw up a contract (we're talking they came back to look at our home and measured the floors to see if their furniture would fit), and wouldn't you know the most RANDOM things happened to prevent it? One guy lost his job, I think someone got sick and maybe even one woman was in the process of a divorce and her "funds" weren't loosening up quickly enough. But here again, His timing is perfect... it's a miracle. I lost my job the day before our contract with our realtor to sell our home was up. Had those random things (which I consider to be God's divine intervention) not happened, we would have been in that dream house living a nightmare.

See, God knows what we need, when we need it. In Matthew, Jesus talks about this...
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" (6:26)

And it is so, so hard to trust that... or at least it is for me. I cling to that scripture (I claim it) and to my faith. I know His will is perfect, and I know He will give us exactly what we need... maybe not more than we need, but never less than we need. One of my all time favorite verses is Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." And isn't that one of the greatest miracles of all?

Guilt and security

2011-01-01T18:13:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, I didn't ask for too many things. I really only wanted a pair of new shoes and a Bible commentary. Well, wouldn't you know, my sweet husband got me both! :) Tonight was the first time I've gotten to take a look at that commentary. When I opened it, it landed on a page in the "Key Teachings of the Bible" section, and a word jumped off the page at me... in big bold letters, it said "Security". Since I've always loved to read and hear... really bask... in the fact that I have eternal security, I began reading the two paragraphs that followed.

The first was all warm and fuzzy, and all the things I want to hear... "once saved, we are kept by God's power and are thus secure in Christ forever"... love that. The next paragraph knocked me down. In short, it said we are to rejoice in our assurance of salvation, but that the Bible "clearly forbids the use of Christian liberty as an excuse for sinful living and carnality." Wow... I mean wow. I've heard it from the pulpit a thousand times, but something about reading it in black and white hit me, or maybe it was just my guilt hitting me. Did you get that? We can't sin thinking we can just repent later and then continue living that same sin. We can't use our salvation as a "get out of jail free" card to do what we want while we are on this Earth. Let me just say, that I, by no means, am replacing this commentary for the Word of God, (my pastor once said that the best commentary on the Bible is the Bible... I couldn't agree more!) but I will tell you this... within the first 5 minutes of having the thing open, it enhanced my Bible study.

For years... especially those college and right-after-college and even-further-past-college years... when I was running... I guess I had that in the back of my mind. I knew I needed to repent, and I would, and then I'd do it again. And yes, I knew that was wrong... but I kept telling myself... "You're saved. You're forgiven. He'll forgive you again." What a dangerous game to play, and how much guilt do I have for listening to Satan whisper those lies to me... and me believing them... than listening to that still small voice that was speaking to me?

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly possessions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age" Titus 2:11

See, it "teaches" us. Wouldn't it be a whole lot easier if when we received that salvation the Holy Spirit would make us say "no" to those desires and sins than having to teach us? And with teaching comes lessons... hard lessons most of the time, and even then, we sometimes don't get it.

That chapter in Titus goes on to say that Christ gave himself to purify us to make us his very own, "eager to do what is good." (v.14) Isn't that what we want? It's what I want. I want to do good... and I want to do good by God's standards.

In Galatians, Paul discusses this further. "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge in the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love." Gal. 5:13 DO NOT USE YOUR FREEDOM TO INDULGE IN THE SINFUL NATURE. Doesn't get much clearer than that. And if you didn't get it that time, Paul goes over it again, in depth, in vs. 16-21, even listing what is considered sinful nature, saying that they are "obvious"... "sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." vs. 19-21 I don't know about you, but looking at my life, putting it up against that list, I've failed miserably... and consistently.

Now the guilt sets in. Guilt was really the first emotion I felt when I read those two paragraphs about "Security"... well, really when I read the 2nd one. What is it with that emotion? How does it have the power to make you feel so horrible? I've prayed to ask God to forgive me for using Jesus' blood as a free for all (because truly that's what I was doing), but the guilt still remains. And I know it's Satan... I know it is. I'm confident that God has removed my sin from me "as far as the east is from the west"(Psalm 103:12), but that guilt feeling is still there nudging me. Not sure why, but I know that God will take care of it, and the source causing it.

And not to get all warm and fuzzy on you, but going back to the thing that drew me to those paragraphs in the first place... "security". "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness." Thank you, God, for that.

Change of plans...

2011-01-01T17:58:00.001-08:00

When I first started this blog, it was so I could vent about the little things in life that bothered me... that mattered to me. You know, celebrity drama, tabloid gossip, just irritating things in general, but isn't it funny how things change? Your situation, your viewpoints, what matters to you, your life? That's exactly what has happened to me.

See, it was a long time coming. I've been a Christian for most of my life... since age 6 to be exact. And by most standards I was a "good person"... but not by God's standard. He's been calling me to a much higher standard for a long time, and it feels like I've been trying to run from that standard for an even longer time. The Christian life is not easy... God never promised it would be... I've failed so miserably at trying to be Christ-like, and, at times in my life, excelled at being anything but Christ-like. But the great thing about it is this... God still loves me. That's so overwhelming to me. I wouldn't love me and wouldn't think about giving me a second chance, but He does.

So forgive me... I've changed my position of this blog from ranting about insignificant things in this world to being able to have a place to pour out my heart about things that really matter to me. I've changed. I've stopped running.